Feb 21 2009
A Long Time Gone
I’ve been avoiding this task.
By now you’ve probably guessed that not everything went as we had hoped with the birth of our little one. We named her Elisha Noelle. She was here just two days.
We had no warning, no time to prepare for her passing. We went to the hospital expecting to come home with a little baby girl. We came home with only brief memories. Nowhere near enough. We were planning to fill a nursery. Instead, we planned a funeral.
I’ve spent the last 14 months in silent grief. I had lost my Dad suddenly, only a year previously, and now my baby daughter. It left me lifeless and dull. I’ve wondered since then if I would ever know happiness again.
But time has a way of working things out. Rough edges get worn off.
I’m starting to see light again. I’m glad for the sun this week.
In the past, I had always loved winter. I think I’ve had enough of it for a while.
I love that you wrote. I so understand some of your pain. We actually had 2 babies die. They were not miscarriages. It was hard on kids and their faith.
I just wanted you to know that reading your words brought back memories of how I too had no feelings. lifeless and dull….
I hate to quote TFF because it is just so stupid when people do that but…”Deep in your heart there are wounds time can’t heal” women in chains…True. My dad died my senior year at timpview. The pain lessens but the wound is still there I have just learned over time how to keep it from getting infected.
Talking about it has helped me. I am a talker for sure but when it come to these events in my life, they are not words I want to talk about to everyone. Time will heal a lot. We ended up adopting our 3 youngest. That helped the pain for sure. After reading your beliefs I feel I can say….For me …My dad isn’t alone up there…He has 2 boys to hang out with. I’ll take all I can get on that side rooting for me. I hope I didn’t ssay to much or was out of line. Just thinking of you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your feelings,
Joy Huish Astle
Joy,
Thanks very much for your comment.
There were some very poignant moments during all of that, during which I became convinced that Dad had escorted Ellie into this life, and was waiting for her at her parting.
I think it’s great that you quote TFF. They have always been my favorite band; the Hurting was the first record I ever bought.
I remember when your Dad died. I wish I had told you how bad I felt for you back then, but I was just too shy (not a Kajagoogoo reference there…lol).
See you on Facebook.