Rolling Water

Thinking about Ellie and Dad today…kind of hard not to.

This song made me weep the first time I really listened to it. It is the conversation in my heart.

The music is the melancholy, deep sadness that one feels only when they have lost someone dear to them. In contrast, the words are the peaceful comfort that comes from knowing our eternal nature and destiny.

May all those who have lost someone find Peace today. I hope this helps.

Do not stand at my grave
and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain

When you wake in the morning hush
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight
I am the soft starlight at night

Do not stand at my grave
and weep
I am not there
I do not sleep

-Mary Frye

I’ve been avoiding this task.

By now you’ve probably guessed that not everything went as we had hoped with the birth of our little one. We named her Elisha Noelle. She was here just two days.

We had no warning, no time to prepare for her passing. We went to the hospital expecting to come home with a little baby girl. We came home with only brief memories. Nowhere near enough. We were planning to fill a nursery. Instead, we planned a funeral.

I’ve spent the last 14 months in silent grief. I had lost my Dad suddenly, only a year previously, and now my baby daughter. It left me lifeless and dull. I’ve wondered since then if I would ever know happiness again.

But time has a way of working things out. Rough edges get worn off.

I’m starting to see light again. I’m glad for the sun this week.

In the past, I had always loved winter. I think I’ve had enough of it for a while.

Last week turned into a nightmare.

I want to tell this story for two reasons. One, because it will provide background for the next post. Two, because a friend once said, “Crisis plus Time equals Humor.” I’m hoping that someday we can read this and laugh about it.

First, some background. Lecil has been measuring a little larger than she should. It didn’t really seem that big a deal to me (no pun intended), but apparently the doctor was a little concerned. The baby was about two weeks or so bigger than she should be, according to the date of expected delivery. Lecil’s doctor referred us to the pre-natal medicine specialists for further analysis.

So, Lecil went to the hospital on Tuesday the 13th for some routine tests and an ultrasound to see if the pre-natal specialists could determine the cause of the extra fluid in the womb and the baby’s size.

We had two ultrasounds back-to-back–one performed by the technician and one by the specialist. The technician showed us a couple of things about the baby–her profile, hands, feet, etc. She also showed us the baby’s lower abdomen, where she pointed out a pocket of fluid in the baby’s intestines.

During the second ultrasound, the specialist saw what appeared to be a blockage between the baby’s stomach and her small intestine (the duodenum). I asked her specifically about the pocket of fluid in the intestines, and how it could appear in spite of the blockage. She said she didn’t know. She told us, as she showed us the image, that this is often seen in babies with Down’s Syndrome. She also said that Down’s Syndrome is the cause in about 30% of cases of extra amniotic fluid.

We began to be more than a little concerned. If the blockage were indeed present, it would mean surgery shortly after birth for our new little one to correct the problem. But the specialist wasn’t through with us yet. She also said that another common and more serious effect of Down’s Syndrome is heart defects. These also need to be corrected after birth to ensure the baby’s survival. We have been listening to the baby’s heart beat for months now and have not heard anything irregular, but the specialist wanted to hear it for herself.

Lecil was sent to another room where they put a fetal heart monitor along with a contraction monitor on her belly. The heart monitor showed nothing unusual, but the contraction monitor showed several contractions during the time. This was, of course, a red flag to the technicians and the specialist.

Lecil was then sent up to Labor and Delivery, where they measured her cervix and determined that she was dilated to 4 cm. At this point everything dissolved into chaos. They immediately put Lecil on an IV, and informed us that they were calling in a LifeFlight helicopter to take Lecil up to University Hospital in Salt Lake City.

Within about 20 minutes, I was standing on a helipad watching my wife fly away, wondering what was going to happen to her, if she would be alright, and worried about the baby.

I have to say thanks to the kind lady that saw I was distressed and came and put her arm around me. It wouldn’t be the last time I would cry in the company of strangers, but it was the first and it really helped. God bless you, whoever you are.

We had an ultrasound done last week and our newest little one is a girl. The doctor says she’s growing perfectly and that everything looks great. I have ultrasound images below. You can already see how cute she is.

So, we would like to have a little naming contest. Use the comment area below to suggest names for our little tie-breaker. She is due around December 23rd, so names associated with Christmas or the holidays will be given special consideration. We may accept any names suggested, or none of the names suggested.* But if we choose your suggested name, you win! The prize for the winner will be determined at a later date. Good luck!

_{*Any suggestions for names will be accepted, but all submissions become the property of TrentonHansen.com, to be used at my discretion and no guarantees of use, either direct or implied, are made, blah blah blah, etc, etc…}